I was approached by a woman to post this blog. She spilled her heart out onto the page. Thank you for approaching me and allowing me to post this.
Love is definitely complicated. To my readers…. choose wisey when it comes to matters of your heart and soul.
The words you are about to read are real and heartfelt. It was her time to let go.
When I thought it was over and done with…it was you. It’s been you. I never stopped being in love with you. You disturb my soul in a way I had long forgotten could be disturbed. You awakened this feeling I’ve been searching for. It’s you I can be with. It’s you who makes me pain at the same time as making me smile. I cried when you dropped me home that night. As you read this let me drop you some more truths. I said to you that you gave me life again. Life in the sense that you reminded me of what I deserve and how I deserve it. I seen you…yes…. but…..you’re now accounted for. I seen you and I felt my soul bubble and heat. However, you’re not you anymore. But you choose that. You’re not you, but you choose not to change things. You’re not you. I don’t get it. You’re not you. You’re lost.
I want you to feel who you are again, but I can’t save you. Just like I said you couldn’t save any of them.
I may not get ‘it’ but I got you. You’re in a relationship. You feel something but you see things you don’t like. Ask yourself, are you trying to find these things on purpose? You’re not happy because you’re not being challenged emotionally, physically and sexually. That’s the bottom line here. You want to be a man, but you also want that fight.
I’ve always felt our souls were meant to be. But that feeling lays with ONLY me. You didn’t feel that way before. You might be looking for it now. Who knows; only you.
We can’t even look at each other for long. I see it every time. It’s in the pits of our stomachs. It can be felt from across the room every time you stand in that kitchen. I seen it again at their house. You’re fighting your own demons. Why open a can of worms now? We go back to our separate lives – emphasis on seperate. You with someone and me without. I chose this for myself because I need not carry the weight of you anymore. I can’t love you from afar as a friend, which is why I struggle. You want me around. I don’t get it and it’s selfish on your part. It only benefits you. You struggle to stay in your relationship because of your feelings. You omit truths. That speaks volumes. But you continue to do what you have to do. As will I.
I’m thanking you for showing me love. I hate you for shutting me out. I love you for breathing life into me. I hate you for shaking my soul. I love you because you’re you. I hate you for ever loving me. Stop lying to your relationship and yourself. Stop lying to me. I’m not stupid. That tea wasn’t about tea.