You know peeps I talk about choices we make and things that happen as a result of choices. Let me say something someone told me last night, “when someone shows you their true colours, the first time, believe it.” See my problem is I’m too nice and I love way to hard and fast. I tend to want to believe people are trying to be better and do better, when in fact they are lying to me and a lot of other people around them – their word stands for nothing. I tell you this, I aint no hoe, I have no reason to lie to someone I love and I am staright up, because I have no time to entertain stupidness.
With that said, getting burnt a second time is soley on me. Putting my heart into something was my mistake. Taking someomes word when they never showed me any REAL or substantial action is my ignorance. Not everyone means well for you. Not everyone wants you to succeed. I have seen what real jealously and anger look like. I have my own anger when someome says shit about me that aint true and I have to realize not everyone will like you, however, it still makes me so upset. Your bashing my character, I have a right to be upset. And why should they like me? People are entitled to their opinions too. I have to learn to roll this off my back. I have to teach myself that no matter how nice and honest I am too someone, there will always be someone else right behind them to talk shit in their ear. People who know me know who I am. They also know I have no reason too lie. I am an open book, often times I over indulge, realizing I don’t need to tell everyone my life stoy. But…that’s who I am. By doing this I have opened the gates of judgement, hate and envy. It’s sad. There’s no need for it. We’re getting to old to play kids games.
I now understand betrayl as I was on the receiving end of it a few days ago. It has been very upsetting. Something I need to deal with quickly. How? By praying and meditation. How and why this happened will never be answered. Payback? Mistrust? Insecurities? Hate? Maybe some or all of it. If you chose to believe the demons that come knocking at your door go ahead. Clearly I can’t stop you or them. I know who I am and what I have done and what I never did. My parents raised us to ensure when we walk out on the street to carry ourselves with respect and dignity, especially when meeting other people and their families. My parents always said ‘you’re carrying our family name so carry it well’. That’s how I was raised and that’s how I walk and deal with others. If you have TRULY known me for years you would have known this. You would know I love music. You would know I love radio. You would know I talk loudly when I’m excited. You would know I hurt easily, love passionately and cry when upset. You would know I love too blog. You would know I want to be happy. You would just know. Opening yourself up too people is crazy. I have to remember not everyone was raised with the same mentalities. I mean I know this, but I rather see the greatness in people if that makes sense to you. Sometimes I could use a hug. I don’t ask for much. A little McD’s and some smiles is a great evening in my books. Who wants to chat nonesense about me can continue. I can’t stop them and I can’t stop you from believing their crap either. Something I need to deal with now. I need to find new coping skills. #oneday